Conversations
Conversation is a Give and Take art and your age may well make a difference
Conversations
Bridging the Generation Gap
One of the reasons that the Many Happy Returns 1940s reminiscence cards can work so well, it seems, is because they bridge the generation gap.
There are acres of books and articles about the major generational groups in the western world, eg. Traditionalists – the ‘Radio Generation’, born 1920 - 1943; ‘Baby-boomers’ born 1943 - 1960; Generation X born 1960 – 1980; and the ‘Y’ (Why) Generation, Millennials, ‘Nexters’ or as they have recently been described by the magazine AdBusters, Generation 'O' (Obama) born 1980 - 2000.
The challenges – and potentialities – of working in environments where different groups may work alongside one another with all their attendant prejudices which come from their early life and peer group experiences, are becoming increasingly recognised and documented.
Many, if not most businesses will have at least three generations working alongside each other, and the ability to communicate effectively is critical to business success. By looking at the value systems and emotional 'need states' of the different groups and their outlooks, companies can create a more productive working and learning environment.
Of course, although there are many dimensions of diversity such as race, sex, sexual orientation, geographic location and so on which shape who we are and how we behave, it is possible to generalise about the values of different generations. How they communicate and inter-relate is also changed by and predicated on their formative experiences.
Thus, at one end of the spectrum, growing up at the end of WW1 and losing their youth to WW2, these harsh experiences mean that Traditionalists value hard work, trust, formality, authority and institutional leadership, social order and their possessions. Sometimes referred to also as the ‘Silent generation’ they cherish honesty, privacy and discretion.
At the other end, the ‘Y’ generation growing up with the hi-tech revolution and a time of relative financial comfort, they value their autonomy, positive attitudes, ethnic diversity, their technology and their money – and spending it; and seek action, constant feedback, and want fun in their life. The growth of online social networks has been largely driven by this group.
And in the middle sits the ‘Sandwich Generation’ – the baby-boomers… about whom more has been written than could be deemed either feasible or appropriate, (and often by this group itself of course) but this is the generation that demands to be heard – and not only because it is a huge, powerful, if ramshackle cohort. The boomers have had the ‘good life’, they have been very influential in the development of both media and ‘youth’ culture. And they hate rules and regulations, and like to fight for a cause. The social revolution of the 1960s is central to this group.
So what does this prove, if anything? Well, as the late, great, Douglas Adams said in the Hitch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,
“Anything that is in the world when you were born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural way the world works; anything that is invented between the time when you are 15 to 35 is new, revolutionary and exciting and you can possibly get a career in it and anything invented after you are 35 is against the natural order of things”.
The Many Happy Returns cards have been designed with people's differing generational, attitudinal behaviours in mind, as well as the National Curriculum, for the next generation growing up – however they will be described by social psychologists.
The cards seem to help younger generations with their differing value systems and attitudes to relate to people over the age of 75 years. They help the younger generations to empathise with them by demonstrating what was so very different then – and perhaps more surprisingly, what is oddly similar. And they allow people to exchange stories and histories allowing them to share in each other's lives in a unique and valuable way.
Listening and LADDERs
With no obvious common ground to fall back on, keeping a conversation going with an older person from another generation can be as challenging as it can be with a complete stranger. Commonality in conversation is very important. It is not particularly surprising that strangers here may find themselves discussing the British weather, when it affects all of us in some way or other and is constantly changing - everyone can contribute, if they care to. So, how can we start conversations?
Consider for a moment the person born 70 or more years ago. They have come from a very different world from our own, where even electricity and running water were not necessarily available even into the 1960s, so with no indoor toilets, the 'privvy' could be found in many a country back garden.
Their world had its many riches and varied complications of course, but it in many respects was a much simpler life, with little entertainment except what you made for yourself. Due respect for 'elders and betters' and for anyone in authority or in a uniform including the local doctor, solicitor, police and teachers was the rule. Authority and discipline was everywhere and children were still expected to obey adults and 'mind their Ps and Qs".
But alongside these comparative hardships and strictures, remarkable freedom and harmless mischief was available to young people. In summertime, children of all ages could play safely in car-free streets and alleyways of the towns, and in fields, orchards and lanes of the countryside and across the country, windows and doors of homes would be unlocked or even left wide open around the clock.
Of course everyone's lives were different and these are only two of a myriad of factors that have affected the outlook and attitudes of this older generation.
How are they now? Well, they may be fit, healthy and engaged but most will have have deteriorating eyesight and/or hearing, some have reduced mobility or they may be affected by any number of chronic older illnesses, or they may be suffering from dementia.
Many Happy Returns has been carefully researched to help bridge the gap between generations. Find a subject that is relevant and meaningful to an older person and this will lead to learning and rich engagement between two people from the same or differing generations.
There are a few simple steps that anyone can take to make a cross-generational conversation richer and more satisfying:
Look directly at the person, notice the colour of their eyes – Let them do the talking – and Listen well
Ask questions - Assume that they are interesting because they have fascinating stories to tell
Do try not to interrupt their train of thought if you can help it
Don't change the subject before they are ready
Empathise with their feelings, Explore the difference of your experiences, Exchange stories, be Enthusiastic and Enjoy their company
Relate to and Respond to them, both verbally and non verbally, with open body language
Most of the questions on the cards are 'open' questions and together with the background information and images, provide a platform to allow easy and entertaining conversation. These elements are designed to be just a starting point to conversation and will help it to be broad and wide-ranging. There are a number of questions on each card to allow the conversation to develop in different ways.
Finally, there are no rules.
At the heart of Many Happy Returns is the enhanced familiarity and enjoyment of the person and their experiences that come from talking about life in a different time.
